(I)FAQ

Infrequently Asked Questions

Why infrequently you ask? Well, mainly because no one ever reads this except me. You can’t get much more infrequent than that. In fact they’re so infrequent that I basically ended up making up questions in the hope that someone finds the answers amusing. Luckily the only person I have to amuse is myself, and I’m easily amused.

Who are you?

I’m locust, the admin monkey. This is my personal corner of cyberspace, for ranting and suchlike. Please try not to make too much of a mess while you’re here, as a black background shows almost every stain.

Why Cranial Shortout?

Two reasons. One it sounds cool, which means you get to do a cool background image. Two, my brain spends most of its time feeling like the wiring was put in backwards. So the name was apt.

Can I link to you?

Of course you can. I’d be delighted if I thought I had any regular readers out there. I’d get a warm fuzzy glow inside. I’ll even link to you in exchange, unless you’re one of the bot companies that seems to turn up from time to time. Then I won’t link to you, because you’re an annoying cunt.

Why are you so annoyed most of the time?

People are stupid. Worse, I’m stupid quite often, despite knowing how not to be. By my reckoning I’ve wasted about 10 years of my life getting things wrong, screwing things up, or ignoring common sense and doing the stupid thing anyway. Add that to the sense of loathing I feel for most of the (un)civilised world, and it’s no wonder I’m regularly pissed off.

I’ve fallen in love with you. Will you be my boyfriend?

No. Happily taken, sorry. But feel free to sigh tragically and stare mournfully out of a window. It’ll make me laugh.

What’s your favourite pizza topping?

Spicy beef and mushroom. Definitely not pineapple. And if you put sweetcorn on a pizza, there’s an extra hot room for you in hell.